My wife's parking incident... My side of the story.

Ok, so on my wife's blog (http://lifeofawifemotheranddaughter.blogspot.com/) you will read about this incident and it's spin is strangely different. Of course, you have to read 5 paragraphs to get to the actual incident and then only 2 sentences are dedicated to describing it. Strange how we focus differently.

Anyway, so I get off work on Friday much later than I thought I would and as I am gearing up mentally for my weekend with the inlaws I get a little surprise. I am on my motorcycle and the fuel light is on but I am hurrying home because my wife has called me every 30 minutes asking when I was coming home so I knew she was anxious to leave. (Reason #1 that this happened: Ready to go syndrome) As I am driving down my street I see the garage door open and the Van backed in. I say to myself "wow, she is really ready to go." Now this to most people is mundane but to me it is a big deal as my wife is one of the worst drivers when it comes to parking and operating in tight spaces. She is great on the road but in close, you better watch out. So I pull my bike in and she meets me with her hands covering her face and says she wrecked the van. I am like what are you talking about? So I say "What do you mean wrecked the van?" Well, apparently she had apprehension before backing the van in but figured she should be able to do it so she went for it. (Reasons #2 and #3 this happened: not knowing one's limitation and ignoring gut instinct.) She got in the van, was super careful and what do you know she made it in. WOW!!! So she is pretty happy and confident now and here is where it all goes down hill. She goes back, pops the hatchback and begins to pack, but then decides to shut the garage door. I know, you are saying "watch out for the hood.." but no, she is on that, way to go honey! She checks the front and sees she is just 2-3 inches short of the door being able to close... Heck that is easy enough, so she hops back in and steps on the gas and CRRRAAAASSSSHHHH. UH OH, was that the hatch back? (Reason #4 as to why this happened: Being greedy... The van was in the garage, did we really need to shut the garage door) Now you have the picture, so let's catch back up to where we were. I am now following her to the back of the van and sure enough my shelving has some chunks out of it and the back lower left corner of the door is bent under. I think well, that isn't too terrible. Then I go to shut it and KERCHUNK! It doesn't close all the way and is obviously bent and raked out of alignment. I am thinking "Holy shit, I am going to be one of those people that is driving down the highway with duct tape and ropes on my vehicle to hold it together. Can anyone say White Trash?" I am determined not to allow this to happen so I bust out the tools and do my best Tim the toolman taylor inpersonation. (I am actually pretty good with tools and fairly handy.) So with some skill and some super human anger strength I physically overpower the door back into it's original shape. After a few minor adjustments I get it to latch and everything is ready to go. Really other than some paint flakes missing and some crinkled metal on the inside of the door you really can't tell. So we did eventually get on our way and had a nice visit in Salina. I tried to be as understanding as possible without losing it but I know I showed my frustration. Anyway, another lesson learned that if you don't get in such a rush in life things will eventually all just work out. Let's just take a step back and take a deep breath. It won't really matter in the whole scheme of things if we get there at 6:00 or 6:30 and more importantly know our limitations and embrace them.

Catch Phrase Volume 3.... "We're Broke"

We're Broke!
This is one of the most overused phrases I have ever heard and apparently almost no one now a days knows what the hell it means. I hear this from my friends all the time. It is strange that they say this before they buy $35k vehicles or go on vacations 2 times a year. I especially love it when they go out every weekend and buy new outfits for their date nights. Why not throw the weekly $70 golf outing and daily starbucks. It is interesting how many people say they are broke but when it all comes down to it, it is nothing but irresponsible money management. If you could cut down some of your manicures, golf, movies etc you wouldn't be so broke or God forbid you get a car without every bell and whistle.

9 years of marriage and still counting...

I just celebrated my 9th anniversary with my wife (11 years total knowing eachother) and it still amazes me how much I love her. She no doubt can push my buttons and get me more mad than anyone in this entire earth but all I have to do is think about her beautiful blue eyes and smile and it is almost impossible to stay mad. Half the time I have to pretend to be mad just to save some face in the argument. She is the most wonderful mother I could possibly have hoped to find for my children. She has done a tremendous job raising and nurturing our 4 kids. Not only them I guess, me too. She has kept this family on financial track since the beginning and really doesn't get a whole lot in return. I love her strong willed nature and at the same time her vulnerable side. I love the fact that everytime she is sick or has a wierd feeling somwhere in her body she researches and comes up with some new potential disease or infection. I love that even though we do eat a lot of the same stuff for dinner (mainly due to my lack of desire to try new things) she always tries to make it more interesting in some way with some personal touch of something. I love that after 4 kids she can wear a bikini and look good doing it. I love that she still thinks she is 5 feet tall... 4'11" to be accurate. I love that she wakes me up at least a couple times a week talking in her sleep about random things. I love that she tries to give our kids the best life they could possibly have. I love the fact that I can't wait to leave work to see her and the kids. Most importantly I love the fact she chose to love me.

Marriages hidden secret.... Mother in laws part 1

Ok, so I have stayed away from the biggest pain point in my life so far, my mother in law. I think it is time for me to get some home made written therapy... I am warning you now, if you get tied up emotionally in what you read, now may be the time to move to a new blog... Ok, so you stayed, here we go.

Now I think that deep down under the skin of evil, manipulation and scheming she is a good person. The problem is that most of the time we cannot get to that part of her. It all starts with me asking to marry her daughter... I made a point since her father and mother have been divorced since she was little that I would ask her mother for permission. I made it a point to meet with her mother one morning while my wife was working to go meet with her at my wife's apartment while she was in town. I told her my intentions and asked for permission. She got the usual cynical look and then proceed to say the following: "I want you to define marriage for me." That was followed by "I want you to define love for me" and "I want you to define commitment for me" and about 15 other more terms that believe it or not Webster's dictionary has had the definitions for several years. Anyway, this was about 1.5 hours of defining terms for her in my words. No dialogue between the 2 parties involved just definitions. We finally passed that and she finally said something other than give me a definition and it was that she thought we were too young and she would have to pray on it for a while and would get back to me in a couple of weeks. (In case you were wondering Jill was a senior in college and I was out) I said well, I am going to ask her this week so I would like your blessing. She of course said no and that she couldn't do it now and probably not in my time frame so she suggested I put it off until she was comfortable... yeah right, we would still be dating if that was the case. That of course is not where the drama ends. I did ask my wife and she said yes. Jill even debated on calling her after it happened because she was afraid she would ruin it. (She did not know about any of the drama with me at that point, just how cynical her mom was.) I told her please don't, let's have a good night and tell her tomorrow. Of course Jill says "Surely she won't ruin this for me, she will be fine for me, for this day." I might as well changed my wife's name to General Custer at that point because I knew an ambush was coming. So we called her and naturally it ended with my future wife crying the rest of the evening. The sad part was her mom didn't even bring up her and my conversation and still made her cry... I should have known then what I was in for but I am not sure I even now looking back knew what I was in for. So let's fast forward a little just to stay on this one event. It is now a 3 weeks before the wedding (we were engaged for a year) and one night my wife says "You know I am a little disappointed that you never asked my parents for permission, especially my mom." Naturally I about crapped my pants. (If I would have been a man with mafia connections and this was the 1920's my problems would have been over that night. That's how mad I was.) I said "what the hell are you talking about?" Apparently her mom had brought this up to her (which I knew because why out of the blue would she say this?). So I proceeded to tell her what I did and why she didn't know. She of course, still with the evil one's blinders on, says that there is no reason for her mom to lie about this. I of course said there are lot's of reasons especially this close to the wedding. Your mother has been divorced a couple times, doesn't trust anyone and has no one else but you to control. Of course she is trying to cause problems. Needless to say we had quite the "discussion" about this and not sure that it was really resolved for several years. Needless to say we got married and after 9 years of marriage, 4 kids, 2 houses, 1 apartment, 6 cars, 1 dog, 4 jobs we are still going strong.

Now this is just the entry into the series of "Mother in Laws". I will leave you with some other interesting teasers for future episodes:
a) The new house argument
b) Marriage advice... Really?
c) You won't be married long enough!
d) Don't undermind what I teach my kids.
e) Baseball 2009
f) Mother's day
g) Christmas
h) Anti social behavior (with in laws)
i) equal play time for kids, please clock in and out to ensure equality

Now these are not in any particular order but they are all topics that will be coming up in future blogs. Some just get my blood boiling just thinking about them. Also, any friends out there reading this if you recall any others that you have had me vent to you about that are not on this list please let me know so I can include them! :) Have a great week...

Some Political Humor....

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered Altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and
100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going.
You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow now, it's MY fault."

Catch Phrase Volume 2

You are an associate, not an employee. RIGHT... you know before when I was an employee I was constantly asked to do more work than I could accomplish in 40 hours, told to figure out how to accomplish it and often times by someone who knew little about what I was actually doing. However now that I am an associate.... wait, it is still the exact same except now i have worse insurance and they have my DNA. Why does this world care about trying to make me feel better about my life through symantics? How about making me feel like a valuable employee and not someone that can be tossed away at anytime. I honestly don't care what you call me, you can call me peon for that matter as long as you trust me to do what I need to do when I need to do it and you compensate me accordingly.

Catch Phrase volume 1....

I am going to hit on some catch phrases over the next few days that really tick me off. People use these to mislead us all the time yet there are no repercussions for using them... Here is phrase 1.

1. Work Life Balance - BS... If employers were so interested in this they would make a 4 day work week or flexible hours. Almost all companies sell this idea but very few actually live it. This is because most of the people in charge actually have no life but work so they expect the same... One of my favorite attempts are making you think you have work life balance is they throw you the "Jeans Day" occasionally and let you out an hour early because you know that helps you spend more quality time with your family. Or another good one is volunteer time or even happy hour events held after work. The last thing I want to do after work is spend more time with people from work. I want to go home and see my wife and kids. I work at a company that requires you work over 40 hours (of course we are salary) and if you work close to 40 that is a red flag to management you are not busy enough. Since when did this become a standard that is accepted??? I have had reviews for my associates (hint, that will show up in another blog) where the first thing asked by my superior is where are the hours worked... Really, does that matter? I could be the smartest guy on the team and get my work done in 40 but Joe Bob may spend 10 hours on the internet yet he logs 50 hours and that is seen as a plus? WOW!!!! Anyway, what companies need to do is give alternating Fridays off so at the very least 2 times a month you have a 4 day work week. I bet you would find this would boost morale more than any other attempt they make. This would make happier more close knit families which in tern makes happier more productive "associates" (employees).